Damned if you do damned if you don't

It is interesting and you may say irritating at times trying to pick people's brains to know what they want. (GALZ mostly fall into this category and a few GAL-like brothaz). They tell you they don't want a dude who works too much and never hangs out with them , and then again complain about the brother who hangs out with them and never "hangs out" at his jobo to make the money to spend on her.When you take her to Carni for dinner, she becomes vegetarian, and when you take her out to a nice Indian restaurant, she complains she'll get gas (All these are hypothetical...just waiting to be shot by some angry sistah after I am done with this!).

Anywho, this reminds me of one gentleman i used to work with a few harvests ago. Name withheld for various reasons. So we go with the brother to a restaurant together with my two other colleagues. This was in Embu at some infamous establishment (name withheld also because of fear of post publication violence) but if you happen to be in the capital of Eastern province, there happens to be about one hotel you can stay in on official company bizness! Anyways, the brother is from the copper mines of Kitwe somewhere south of the continent, and he does not know what food is safe to order where. My rule of thumb...only order white meat where you are sure the stock is cleared within a day of it being purchased by the vendor. Knowing that ma brodaz from Embu are not fans of fish...you'll catch me dead ordering it from a joint here. So we all place our orders, and our Southern brother barks his.."i want rice and this fish you have shown here. The rice should be well done but not left in the fire for too long, my tomatoes should be chopped like this..yaddi yaddah yaddah...."

I was thinking to myself the entire time...this guy can only do well with a buffet...too choosy! Anyway, after sufficiently confusing the waiter, we wait for our meals. And when they were finally served..my goodness. The dude took a bite of the fish, tasted the rice and almost broke into a war song..."Waiter..what is this you have served?...when I said the rice shouldn't be left in the fire for too long, i did not mean it should be raw..and what's with the fish...Come her and taste it and tell me..come!

The waiter tasted the fish and in one of the funniest responses I have ever heard he went..."mmmh..yummy!"..My goodness..the Southerner was enraged, you could almost see and touch his anger..."What do you mean mmmmh!"..All this time I was enjoying my food and almost choking as I tried to suppress my laughter with the comedy that was playing itself out. The Southerner mumbled some incoherent words, ate about half his food (how I don't know) and walked off in protest refusing to pay the bill for his food as he went to his room (getting the room was also another comedy for some other time)

In summary,we were forced to pay for the boss's dinner (pesa ya kampuni anyways) and duck the embarrassing stares from the other diners.

So if you don't like it, go to a buffet and choose what suits you and stop complaining about what others offer you. Then it will be your choice and you'd have to live with it..(you should see how my Southern friend behaves in a buffet...even there he has issues)

Long holiday weekends

Well Labour day this year was a bummer...A public holiday on a Saturday...what a waste of a free day. Only my employer was smiling this time....he doesn't have to pay me for doing nothing, but 1 June fell on a somewhat semi-ideal day this year..Tuesday. No wonder everyone is booking leave on 31 May, which happens to be a Monday. Guys had started switching off on Friday morning as they anticipated 4 days of doing absolutely nothing, which reminded me of my doctor pals...I sometimes feel for them, 5 years of hard labour in med skool, another harsh 1 year as an intern and then more years of keeping the hippocratic (I hope this is the correct spelling) oath, ready to work on any day. There is no difference between a Monday and a Sunday, after all you never choose when to fall ill or have some freak accident. In the same category fall the police and that waiter at the hotel.

So the next time you are looking forward to a loooong weekend and complaining when someone interrupts your weekend, think of the other fellas who have to continue toiling like any other day just to make your free time bearable.

Still waters

You have this 2 litre twin turbo powered behemoth that sounds like a jet engine when it takes off, and as you weave through traffic, some guy just passes you like you were motionless..and he is as silent as the stealth bomber. Anyway at least you showed that sandak what El Legacy can do. Moral of the story?....well there are no morals when it comes to breaking speed rules. You think you have the fastest car, the biggest brain, the brightest idea, the prettiest wife at home...well reality is there is a high probability there is someone out there with a marginally faster car, way smarter than you and with a chick hotter than Angelina Jolie waiting for him at home.

This reminds me of a time I was sent by my mum to the bank to deposit some cheques for her. This is back in 2000, when I was the KYM in the diggz...I ran all the errands and was getting some practical real world exposure albeit being perennially broke. So I line up in some long queue behind this smartly dressed Asian fella. He looked pleased with himself, holding an envelope (A4 size) which he proceeded to display the contents at a time when he was about 5 people from the counter. The guy had in my estimate about 1.5m in cash, and he wanted everyone to know it. me and my measly cheques (amounts withheld) coiled behind him in embarrasment giving him a wide berth asiniaibishe saaana! Well on the adjacent queue was another brother from the Indian sub-continent, very shabbily dressed, with some dirty jeans and a large black leather jacket, holding those green paperbags with calenders printed on the side. He looked nonchalant and unconcerned with the dude displaying his mullah for all and sundry to see. As fate would have it, he reached the counter before Mr. Show-off and I immediately saw the tellers face light up in recognition..."why aren't you using the bulk teller?" the teller asked, and as I turned to check the bulk teller, it was occupied and seemed our 20-man queue would be done before the guy in there was done with his business. Then Mr.Dirty-jeans opened his jwala bag and poured bundle after bundle of used notes. He looked at the fella in front of me and smiled. While the note-counter worked overtime counting the money that was being banked by Mr.Dirty-jeans, he proceeded to open his jacket and more bundles fell out..he had strapped more notes on his upper body,and he proceeded to pull his trouser-legs unstrapping more cash held by rubber bands on his shins....he then took out his wallet, fished some notes from what he was handing in and put in his wallet (pocket change I guess). I was smiling almost bursting into laughter as the guy ahead of me in the queue (Mr.Show-off) was looking for a rock to hide under. Well me and the others on the queue beamed with our puny deposits as humble pie was served hot off the oven.

Note to self (and other interested parties)..Be humble in whatever you do or say, egg on face has a nasty feel to it.

The Arsenal effect

So there I was all prepped up, negotiated the heavy traffic on Mbagathi and used some panya routes and found myself in Nairobi West. I parked in the estate there, as Ingwe K'ogalo matches are unpredictable. All traffic , foot or otherwise was headed for the showpiece. The lines to the ticketing booths snaked around the parking area, as hooligans cut queues to get the ticket to the Stadium. I had requested my younger bro (Jascon) to get me a ticket to the terraces and it took the better part of an hour getting it. Funny thing is somehow the gate to the stadium was breached and fans streamed in(most had not paid).

We took the chance to buy our tickets as people abandoned the ticket booths for a piece of free entrance. by now the game had started and it was almost ten minutes into the game. We bought our tickets (That's what these clubs survive on as revenue) and as we were headed to the now open gate, security came in to stop the flow of non-paying fans.."Wewe hapana ingia kama wewe hakuna risit..." shouted the burly bouncer as he blocked the entrance with a club on one hand and fumes of some cocktail of illicit brews spewing from his breath. Luckily i had my risit and so I got in. The atmosphere was to die for....floodies, hooligans, and chanting all around. I sat in what appeared to be an isolated spot.....bad idea. This is where the users of the 'oly 'erb went about there puff puff pass business the entire 90 minutes.

On to the pitch K'ogalo were playing some lovely soccer, and the two forwards, Kevo and Blackberry (I just love that name!) contrived to miss a sackful of chances. Again and again they got themselves clear on goal only for them to try to pass it into the net...Arsenal style!...Ingwe got the one chance and duly punished K'ogalo. Honourable mention to the outstanding fella between the sticks, Webo. The keeper was on some of the 'oly 'erb that was hanging abouts where we was seated.

The half time antics of the fans were hilarious as they trooped armed with flares singing around the stadi. One disappointment was the lousy chants of the Ingwe...AFC, AFC, AFC!!!...so flat! One thing you'll give the K'ogalo khooliganski, they can get behind their team. They also have their anthem and numerous chants.

Other than an incidence where the linesman was pelted with empty plastic bottles by the ingwe fans for raising the offside flag, the game was uneventful and the fans were well behaved at the end of the game streaming out orderly (as far as the ones going in the direction of Langata and the shire of Kibira were concerned.

Lookin forward to the next round of El Klasiko when K'ogalo will be the home team. sisi atakutana tena na sis atafundisa nyinyi opira!

El Klassiko

The first meeting of the DSTV era of the KPL between former giants Gor Mahia(aka K'ogalo) and AFC Leopards (aka Ingwe) is up in one of the most anticipated clashes in years. Emotions are running high as the two most vocally supported clubs in Kenya lock horns in the mid-week encounter which have been branded "Floodies" by the football junkies who occasion the midweek games.

The game is gaining root and more local supporters are turning up donning their favourite teams' colours which sell alongside the more illustrious European (mostly English PL sides). I am a Gor fan ("Gor pinje duto ywagi!....."). and my hooligan pals cant contain themselves. The match used to be underlined by passionate support, hard tackling and the occasional missile throwing celebrations at the end of the match. This being the first in a long time, ...we sall sually sow the abandu mach!

See you pitch side!

A journey of a thousand words

On learning that there are 300 million bloggers on the web, here comes blogger number 300,000,001. And bereft of anything great to say, thought I'd share some interesting observations I have made in the past few hours or so I have been pretending to work.

Everyone currently is jumping onto the bandwagon of drumming up support for or against the draft constitution and unfortunately most of us are ignorant of what has been prepared for us to vote or veto (neat switchin of the letters there!)...We have exhausted the time we had been given to debate the document and granted most of us contributed zilch to the document, but it offers us a rare opportunity to right a few wrongs that the old constitution could not address. My view is we will NEVER have a perfect document and we will NEVER please everyone. We have wasted plenty of resources and dragged for ages coming up with the draft as it is. now because some people who raise issues that either don't relate to them (men ..read priests et al commenting on abortion and we complaining about Kadhi's courts that only address civil cases between two consenting muslims). I think it is a bit trivial the reasoning given for rejecting 97% of a good document just because 3% does not suit you. The muslims are not complaining of the rest of the constitution that draws primarily from English Common Law that to the best of my knowledge was crafted from Anglican (read Christian) doctrine. The other politicians are voicing their disagreements especially because of Land issues which affects them mostly and the ill manner in which they obtained it, as well as maintaining the ridiculous influence the politicians have in controlling almost everything in running our country. Let MPs stick to legislation, we get professionals in cabinet as proposed to run the government and for once have a functional and meaningful lean cabinet. Women in my opinion and minorities have been given the best chance they will ever get at narrowing the divide in parliamentary representation, and the less said about dual citizenship and what Kenya has missed out on..the better

Let's give the document a chance