Taking a hard look at the last 3 or so months, some words keep ringing in my head that my good ol' director used to hammer every other day..."To those that much has been given, much will be required"..By then being young, naive and oblivious of our surrounding, I would wonder what this old man meant. I just had my stressful bag of books, assignments to complete. Being associated with my high school was the only "given" I used to see at the time. Life has been a painful, confused journey (from my point of view). I always start something and in the middle of my journey to complete the task or phase of my life, I always stop and ask myself what the hell I think I am doing. I tend to feel I have never been comfy in the paths I have chosen..I am that square peg constantly finding myself in round holes. Admittedly I have found myself in very interesting company and jobs over the years. My Engineering class in JKU@ (you guys were the bomb by the way!), my colleagues at the Nation Printing plant and the few people I interacted with at Nation house (really learnt a lot from you peeps) and my Kraisis menejment colleagues where am at...(Great group of individuals...though we don't have a life :-)) of kos plus the rest of the other people in the other floors.
Well that said, I still feel that empty feeling of "something's missing...". Yes I just counted my three decade milestone a few weeks back, and the critical audit of me still gives back a qualified statement of affairs. My problem I think stems from my workaholic, "I'll have to get it right by all means possible" attitude. I did some ludicrous subjects in high skool just to prove a point (and suffered in the process), went ahead for another torturous 5 years in campus and came out slightly scathed, did some time as a production engineer and got bored as fast as I built my interest and finally landed at my current abode, where I took up the department's workaholic traits.....plus I embarked on accounts, something I had looked down upon from my teen years. So now then.... what after after all this? Family?...well I am still as painfully single as I have always been, though with the constant threats from relaz and friends alike that I should correct that (Wish it was that easy!). I live like a robot, wake up, go to the office...work away and get back home when it's dark, telly, and again the process repeats itself the next day. So much for normal life...
Anyways I have always lived like a bird....no plans, leaving the good Lord to take care of my tomorrows and guide my path. Worked well so far, but like I said, I am human and operate on comfort zones like everyone else, wishing I knew what tomorrow or the next three years would pan out. But as it turns out, I live a day at a time, hoping for the best as the next day unfolds. For you pushing me to get hitched....Ms Right atapatikana one day...I have faith, and am ridiculously patient as well. I have been asked severally who she is, ..maybe al paint the picture next time on a different post.
Just to sum all this noise, I recognise I am lucky, blessed and given the responsibilities from which a lot is expected of me. To those I have let down, poleni...I try the best I can. I fight the good fight like most people, though I usually feel it is more of a brawl in my case with the heavy responsibility I am charged with from time to time. Couldn't have done most of it without my support structures ; family (especially my mum), friends (have the best set one can ask for), church and colleagues. This serves as my note of appreciation if I have never had the chance to tell you this.And the world gladly is yet to end :-)
Someday - Celtic Women
"....and the critical audit of me still gives back a qualified statement of affairs" For some reason that cracked me up.
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